The Blame Game

Have you ever blamed someone else for your own mistake before? Pushed the blame to an innocent to make yourself seem right? Tempted to do so before? Did so in the heat of the moment and regretted later but it was too late/made you look stupid?

I, am not all of the above. If I am in the wrong, I admit it. If I’m in the wrong but feel mighty angry, I’ll bring up something stupid that you did to make you look equally bad/stupid. Haha.

My Mum, my Dad, AND my annoying Brother, does as per the 1st paragraph. My Mum likes to blame the bad feng shui or karma that another person incurred. My Dad likes to blame everyone else but himself. My Bro blames everyone but himself AND blames his bad karma (His past must have been that of a tyrant – he claims).

Oh, don’t get me wrong, I’m no saint – sometimes I do get tempted to blame another for my wrong – but I stop, take a deep breath and THINK before I speak. Because, playing the Blame Game gets me nowhere but only leads to more animosity. So whenever I’m in the wrong  – I shut up and swallow it.

On to the next topic (Unrelated to the above yeah!).

I feel empty and hollow. I can’t sleep at night. I close my eyes but my mind runs – I am still conscious although my eyes are closed. Too much free time? I’ve Facebooked til I’m bored, play stupid Net games til I’m bored, play with my dog til I’m bored and tanned by the sun, did the housework but don’t feel tired, my skin is dry and rough due to soaping the bathrooms, the dog’s compound, etc. Suddenly it’s too quiet – my phone doesn’t buzz at all all day and night. I’ve shopped (online), got my new clothes (all in satisfactory condition) and I’m not happy. I don’t feel fulfilled or satisfied. It’s like I’m losing my zest for life. I can’t sleep at night. DON’T WANT to wake up in the morning to face another empty day. It’s empty, hollow and void. Everyday I wake up feeling like a drone: Do the same routine everyday. Brush teeth, eat breakfast, feed dog, clean dog, feed fish, read newspaper, Facebook, do some housework, have some bread with peanut butter and jam, Facebook, then watch abit of TV before I try to sleep.

Remember I mentioned that I am writing fiction? Well, I have no inspiration at the moment. Where does my my inspiration come from? I used to think it was from the soundtracks I listen to, but it’s more than that. I need to have some sort of EMOTION – not being a mere wide awake zombie – to be creative. If I have no emotion – how can I make my character have emotion? I believe that would make for a very boring story! You just know when reading a story whether the author had fun writing it or not.

I don’t know what to do. I feel like crying out of boredom – but I can’t. I want to eat all the Baskin Robbins ice-cream there is – but I’ll just get fat. I want to go shopping at malls for jeans and some heels and underwear but no one’s available to accompany me.

I hate longggggggg holidays!!!!!! Yes, yes, I’m looking for jobs but I’m not really interested somehow… My spirit can be described in one word: Evanescence.

I remember the times when I had my homies to accompany me, be it movies, window shopping, or plain hanging out ie: yamcha. Now one homie is working 5 days a week and stays FAR AWAY, and one probably hates me and sees me as rotten. Probably like a racecar driver and his defunct car, or a tennis player with his broken racquet, or me with a stupid dog who was selfish and ignorant which is now pliant and affectionate – it doesn’t work and I can’t grow to “love” her anymore. She has done too much to ever let me see her in a new light. My perception of her is now set – it’s really hard for me to change my mind now. No matter what good or smart thing she does – I can’t smile for her as I do for someone who I really love and adore. (I’m talking about my DOGS okay.) Perhaps she knows it too – whenever she shows some affection – it isn’t done in confidence. She does it because she needs the few kind words or gentle touch on her head – not because she WANTS to be affectionate of her own free will – she doesn’t really have a CHOICE to be affectionate or not – it’s either do or don’t get ANY ATTENTION AT ALL.

Some examples:

1. I walk past by – not in their direction, but to do something else -they happen to be by the way, I -

Aeris: I go over to her where she is and cuddle her. She doesn’t even look in my direction – she knows I will come for her. She rolls around happily when I say her name. When I call for her, she bounds over with her tail held up high (curved over her back – sign of extreme confidence in dogs ) and when she reaches me, she twists and rubs her body against me like a cat (her tail now wags side to side like a whip), or stand on her hind legs to lick my face. Finally she sits as close as possible to me, then turns around once or twice to lick my face, then waits for me to give her daily “massage” ie: pinching her cheeks, smacking her cheeks, hug her, cuddle her, kiss her – all manner of being affectionate. You got something she wants? She will do whatever you want her to do. (Sometimes I like to tease her by NOT giving the ball to her when she has done what I told her to do Then she tilts her head one side, wrinkling her forehead and looks at me like saying “What?? I did all you told me to, where’s the ball????????”)

Chyna: I don’t bother to go over to her as I past her by. The most I’ll do is say “Hello girl”. She wags her tail in anticipation everytime I’m around and looks in my direction shyly (Eyes look up, then down, then up – like checking to see if I’m coming for her.). If I do stop and call to her, she comes over wagging her tail and trots slowly over, head bowed all the time and then sits in front of me. When I pet her head, she closes her eyes at the motion (Pat, close, open. Pat, close, open.) She wasn’t like this when she was in her younger years. She is a German Pointer – an active and extremely energetic hunting dog. She was like a wild cat! She didn’t bother about anyone or anything – except herself. When you called to her, she only came if she’s not interested in something else, or ignores you totally. When you are affectionate with her – she didn’t bother to be affectionate back. She just lay there like a freaking cat! When you’ve got something she wants (Eg: a ball) – she never learnt how to wait (except now). She jumps right in your face and makes a grab for it. Can’t get it? Jump again!

And now I shall try to go to bed – it’s 2a.m now.Good night.

What a Good Guy Should Do

Tonight I’m on a feminism rage and hence this article I found from a forum. Although it’s from a forum more known for its non-sensical topics, but I think this makes sense so here goes!

Good boyfriend/spouse means ..

Be a team player. When you were single, you could focus on your needs entirely. Now that you’re in a partnership, that just isn’t going to work. Sometimes you have to think about the family and the marriage before you think about yourself.

When you talk about the interpersonal dynamics of a relationship, a lot of these dynamics involve how we communicate with one another. We send both intentional and unintentional signals to our spouse through our interpersonal communications. So a large part of being a good partner in this context is showing we are a part of the team, supporting our teammate while communicating when we need support in our turn.

In sports parlance, it’s called “being a good teammate” or “being a good locker room presence”.

1. Be Her Sounding Board – (PC: I can spot this )

When your girl tells you her problems, she isn’t necessarily looking for a problem solver. She wants someone to listen to her and empathize with what’s going on in her life.

A guy who hears about his girl’s problems instinctively wants to come to the rescue. But most of the time, this isn’t what your girl is looking for. You need to fill the role more of a psychologist than that of a troubleshooter. Listen to her problems; show concern for those problems; show that you have empathy; but don’t always reply with “here’s what you need to do.”

When your wife comes to you with her problems, she isn’t looking for you to be her lawyer. And she certainly doesn’t need you to be her football coach, giving her fiery motivational speeches about how to beat her problem. She wants a counsellor, to listen to her problems and help her deal with their emotional impact.

2. Show Respect (PC: I don’t see it anymore! T_____T )

A good exercise for every husband is to try to show your partner respect. This dovetails with my previous point, but goes beyond that specific situation.

A major part of showing respect is to avoid the trap of being hyper-critical. Don’t criticize the way she dresses, cooks meals, parks the car or walks the dog. You might think you are instructing, but you are actually showing disrespect for the decisions you make.

Also, try to avoid certain intonations, the kind that can be described as “talking down” to her. A woman can pick up on these as well or better than a man can. These tell her you have contempt for whatever is she’s doing, that you are treating her like a child or even your pet. Showing a lack of respect is one of the surest ways to poison a relationship.

3. Avoid Judgment (PC: But what if the its “little stuff” to one partner, but “not-so-little” to the other?)

When you live with someone every day, it’s hard not to build up resentments and overanalyze your partner’s every move. But no one is going to stand up to that level of scrutiny. Try not to sweat the little stuff, because it has a way of becoming big rather quickly. If you judge every action or opinion your wife has, that’s going to come through in your words and actions.

Your girl is different from you. Of course she isn’t going to perceive things the way you do. She’s had different life experiences than you, not the least of which is the general experience of living life as a woman. She won’t always like what you like. She won’t behave like a man does. We feel the need for a woman’s companionship.

4. Don’t Bring Your Own Issues Into the Relationship

As I mentioned earlier, being in a relationship is being part of a team. This means you sometimes have to put your wants or needs second to those of the team.

All of us have emotional baggage. But when your wife comes to you for support, that isn’t the time to open up that emotional baggage. There are times when you can unload this stuff on your partner, but not when she needs your support.

It’s common for a man to internalize all her problems and make them our own. But if you do this, you are losing sight of why she confided in you in the first place. Don’t be selfish when you are supposed to be supportive. I mean, all of us tend to process information through our own filter. But that doesn’t mean our opinions are always useful to the problem.

5. Know When to Make it About You (PC: Don’t know why the first thing that comes to mind is me crying like a lost little girl.)

Of course, it can’t always be about her or the relationship. There are times when your needs should be met. That’s the definition of a give-and-take partnership, which is what a relationship should be about.

Tell her how you feel, but don’t put her in a defensive position. This means you describe to her how something she does affects you without making your feelings accusatory. When you talk about issues in your relationship, tell her about how it affects you instead of what it is about her that bothers you. Good communication is one of the keys of a healthy relationship; good communication requires you to tell her how you are affected.

If your wife does something that hurts you, tell her exactly that you are hurt. Don’t focus on her actions, but on the consequences of those actions. If you simply accuse her of undermining you or being insensitive, it automatically puts her on the defensive. When she’s defensive about her actions, good communication becomes all but impossible.

6. Be Affectionate (PC: Nothing to say.)

I know guys don’t like being cuddly. Being affectionate doesn’t make us feel manly, but women need affection sometimes. If you only give them that stuff to get to bed, your girl is going to notice and think it’s insincere.

Of course, this goes beyond the bedroom. If you show your partner spontaneous affection occasionally, it reassures her of the love bond.

7. Be Willing to Get Outside Help (PC: I know you think it’s personal, but this article was written by a GUY. *hint hint*)

There’s the common joke about men refusing to ask for directions. Men throughout history have needed to be self-sufficient. That’s one of the characteristics which make men successful. When we were out in the wilderness hunting for food, we couldn’t stop at the convenience store to ask where the herd was.

That being said, self-reliance can only take us so far. A smart man has to realise when he can’t do it all himself.

A man would prefer to buy a map than ask for directions.  In a lot of cases, getting good advice is enough. Modifying our attitudes and the subsequent behaviors those attitudes cause can have profound effects on a failing relationship. But sometimes the problems run deeper. That’s when a man has to give into his partner’s request that they speak to a 3rd party.

In short, when a guy finds that his best efforts to improve his relationship skills fail, he needs an experienced person to help work on those skills. (PC: That’s why girls have friends to talk too – we aren’t shy to admit we need help.)

Yes, yes I know – I appear to be feminist. But really, I’m more to equality between the sexes. Both sexes are different yet complement each other – what a miracle isn’t it? As my friend Arthur says : “Can’t live with girls, but can’t live without them either.”

The feminist side of me says: Hey! Technology has advanced to the state where women can reproduce on their own without males. I saw this on one of those Science channels on Astro sometime ago. So we can do away with egoistic and “still waters run deep” guys. Let’s all be tomboys and lesbos and live a peaceful life where everyone understand each other.

Unfortunately, girls don’t make me go OMIGAWD HE’S HAWT… HUBBA-HUBBA-HUBBA…. *drools, bumbling meaningless sounds, melting to the ground* OMG DID YOU SEE THAT MY GOD HE’S HUBBA-HUBBA HOT DAMN!

So I propose a utopia where all men are slaves to women. That would be great. Men could be like pets – you only bother with them when you feel like some excitement. Ta-daa! Problem solved. Men shaddup and do as women say. Tunjuk ego tampar sekali. Tengok pompuan lain euthanise je. Simple eh?

Battle of the Sexes :P

Some jokes I found here and there – one may dismiss them as mere jokes – but sometimes jokes are inspired by real-life – so how non-sensical are they in fact?

Whatever you give a woman, she will make greater.
If you give her sperm, she’ll give you a baby.
If you give her a house, she’ll give you a home.
If you give her groceries, she’ll give you a meal.
If you give her a smile, she’ll give you her heart.
She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her.
So, if you give her any crap, be ready to receive a ton of shit.
____________________________________________

I phoned up a really gorgeous ex-girlfriend of mine the other day. We lost track of time, chatting about the nights we used to enjoy together. I couldn’t BELIEVE it when she asked if I’d like to meet up and maybe rekindle a little of that magic.

“Wow!” I said “I don’t know if I could keep pace with you now! I’m a bit older and a bit balder than when you last saw me!”

She giggled and said she was sure I’d meet the challenge.

“Yeah,” I said, “Just so long as you don’t mind a man with a waistband that’s a few inches wider these days!”

She laughed and told me to stop being so silly. She teased me, saying she thought tubby bald men were cute.

“Anyway”, she said, “I’ve put on a couple of pounds myself!”

So I hung up…

_____________________________________

When a man talks dirty to a woman, it’s sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it’s $4.95 a minute.

_____________________________________

The original Jealousy
Adam was returning home late one night at paradise after drinking with the dodo and the unicorn. Eve got angry and yelled at him: “YOU ARE SEEING ANOTHER WOMAN”

Adam responded: “Don’t be silly, you are the only woman on earth” and went to sleep.

Later that night Adam woke up, feeling a tickle in his chest and saw it was Eve. “What the heck are you doing?” he asked.

“I’m counting your ribs” she responded.

____________________________________________

Tension: When wife is pregnant!
Terror: When girlfriend is pregnant!
Horror: When both r pregnant!
Tragedy: When U r Not responsible for both!

*Hehe I know this is lame but I laughed when I first read this XD

Oh and do do the poll yeah? Just for fun

Ice-Cream bliss!

Writing is not as easy as it seems. When there is NO inspiration – there is nothing to write. Sure I could write – but if the story is boring ME – the author – the reader would probably junk it.

I just had Baskin Robbins yesterday. It was heavenly!!!! I could eat ice-cream forever. Now if I only can pull myself together to LEARN how to MAKE MY OWN ICE CREAM. Then I’ll probably make tubs of ice-cream and feast all day and night and make my dentist cry. And berate myself for growing OUT of my clothes.

OKAY, I’m gonna Google on how to make Old Fashioned Pecan Butter Ice Cream. And Coffee flavoured ice-cream. Crap I’m craving for ice-cream now. I love ice-cream with lots of milk and cream. Gellatio are so-so to me -  I prefer my taste rich and flavourful!!!! I don’t want any toppings to go with it – only pure Ice-Cream yummmmmzzz!!!!!

Ice-cream…. Ice-cream… Maybe I’ll buy myself an Ice-Cream cake for my birthday. I know its’s freaking 6 months away but hey! I need to save up money okay:P I can eat Ice-Cream for Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner. If you gave me 3 wishes, I would wish for:

1. Always having the exact amount of change in my pocket to pay for whatever I want.

2. Be super-fit so I can glutton myself with Ice-Cream minus the guilt of getting fat

3. Free, unlimited Baskin Robbins Ice-Cream for the rest of my life.

Yes, I’m a Baskin Robbins addict – so far no other Ice-Cream has come up to their standard of heavenly bliss. Except for Walls ice-cream, it’s a close 2nd. 3rd would be Haagen Daaz Coffee flavoured ice-cream.

And What The Fish (WTF???)??? One PINT of BR for Rm7.90???????

Click link to check it out!!!!!! I’m so so so so jealous right now. Too bad its only in India. GWAAARRRHH!!!

My absolute favourite would have to be:

Old Fashion Butter Pecan

Pralines 'N Cream

Cappuccino Espresso Concerto

And really, anything else with crunchy stuff in it or caramel tape. If only they have DURIAN flavour too. Then I’ll go mad and binge on Baskin Robbins every week. If you had me choose between Baskin Robbins and Tom Yam, you guess the winner

Updates !

1. Dinner with collegemates

I initially thought of blogging but, since the line is being a pain, I decided to go for Plan B: Upload photos on Facebook and place a link there instead Yeah yeah laziness is part of it, but hey, I’ve got fiction to write! Click on title!

2. Writing romantic fiction.

I’m not giving the theme of the story away – but I can say it’s about the perfect guy and some comical, potential problems when a guy is too perfect. Most romance novels I’ve read often write about attraction, sexual tension, and sex, and happily ever after and more sex. Isn’t it boring and predictable??? Romance is not all about the sex or de-virgined (is there such a word?) of the main female character. (I know the word is deflowering but I wanted to use a more contemporary term!)

Nope, my novella/novel (I don’t know, I’ll just write and fill in scenes which I think should be there on hindsight, I’m really random.) will be all romance and funny. That is if my jokes hit the mark anyway

I can’t say for now how much of a comedy/romance/drama/etc it will be. I don’t know. I’ll just write whatever comes to mind.

Also, I have other themes for my potential novellas/novels. These include a Final Fantasy-ish background and a vampire theme. I bet you saw that coming didn’t you? With the obsession with Edward Cullen and Jacob Black….. Well. My idea for the vamp theme was way BEFORE I ever knew of Twilight. It was from my readings of vampire fiction from various authors – one of my favourite novellas is Bite-Me-Not or Fleur de Feu by Tanith Lee. It’s pretty old, dated 1984 (Before I was even born! Haha!). Fleur de Feu seems more like lovely poetry to me, with not much conversation between the two leads, and much left to the reader’s imagination.

Freak!!!-ing mosquitoes! I would so love to type more but mosquitoes love me more. So til then, click on the link to the potentially scandalous photos from the After Exams Dinner.

Okay gotta go feed the dogs their dinner! If there’s anything you can call me out. I’m available *hint hint*. As in to go out have a drink or watch a movie etc. Not available, but available.

Wee. Mind of non-sensical stuffs.

What do I do NOW??

Holidays are here! What do I do?

I could

1. Work – NOT interested yet

2. Practice with my dog before I sign up for the Doggy Competition

3. Do housework – Blah!

4. Go out with friends to eat, watch movies (Some extra money would come in handy here, so No 1 would be related to No 4)

5. Blog

6. MSN

7. Surf for Robert Pattinson, Taylor Lautner and countdown to New Moon’s release

8. Go for Muay Thai! (Kuan Yin’s idea )

9. See if I can coax someone to give me badminton lessons

10. Play games (No memory card, no peace while playing game. No!)

11. Neopets! (Yes my comp is that bad, ram is older than your high school’s desktop)

12. Wait for Transformers No 2.

13. Blog some more.

14. Don’t know what else.

15. Ah hah! Write! Write fiction! I have quite a collection of rough drafts (Actually drawings I did when inspired once in a while by – mostly music. Animes used in inspire me but as I don’t watch animes now…) These drawings paint out a general summary of the story I have in mind. I love listening to any particular genre of music for sometime and this inspires me

16. Don’t know.

17. Take Aeris out to socialise.

18. Buy a good long retractable leash for Aeris so I can control her from afar. (Not that I think she needs to be on a leash out in public, but stupid people with unjustified fears require dogs on ALWAYS be on a leash. Idiots.)

19. Ah. Shop for jeans and underwear, and a pair of casual heels. The pair I have for casual wear looks  damn hot, but give me bloody watery blisters.

20. I guess I’ll add more to the list later.

21. If only I have a lappy or a desktop in my bedroom. Then I can lock myself in all day and night and write. More convenient than writing on paper no? Plus there is the option for privacy – I can password-lock the word document. Also I can “paste” the picture, or “scene” for any particular part of the story in between the text, so I know where I’m heading at in the plot.

22. PRAY, and PRAY, and PRAY for good results in my exams. PRAY, PRAY and PRAY. PRAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh my GOSH!

Malaysia Dog Day is coming!! Its at the end of June… Just enough time after my exams to get Aeris to sharpen her Basic Obedience skills! Marvellous – I’m thinking of entering her in the Novice Competition.(http://www.puppy.com.my/k9day2009/obedienceevent.html)

But let me finish my exams, and I shall whip her cajole her into getting her Obedience skills in tip-top condition. After all, the skills required are Sit, Stay, and Lie Down.  Simple eh?

The catch: With distractions eg: Food and possibly the judge walking around. I have long taught her NOT to eat without my OK-ing her to do so (Yeah I’m mean ). So for the latter I’ll practice at the public field and encourage annoying toddlers angel-faced cutie-pie babies – “distract” her. Hmm but she’s a little too friendly with other dogs though. I gotta iron teach that trait outta her ASAP!

Oh and I’m thinking of joining the Recall Competition (http://www.puppy.com.my/k9day2009/games.html) too. All one gotta do is Call your dog to you, and encourage it to come to you as FAST AS POSSIBLE!! Bleargh! Aeris runs like the wind, swifter than a fox

While I’m the subject of a certain honey-coloured cuddly little girl:P Let me just extol her virtues even more! Recently I learnt something about her – she likes to drink fresh water only! She will NOT drink from a bowl that another dog (Namely Leo the Bullmastiff, probably because he drools into the water – double-yucks!  >__<”) drank from. In fact, she will NOT even take a single sip all day until a source of fresh water is provided for her. My mum noticed this trait first. She (my MUM, not Aeris) sometimes wash the floor at the wet kitchen area. She says that Aeris would wait patiently for my Mum to finish washing by standing at the side of the open gate and frequently checks if my Mum has done her washing by peeking in (Description: Body blocked by the wall, only her head turned in – get it?). Usually, after washing my Mum then fills a big bucket with water for future washings. From the tap feeding into the bucket Aeris would lap at the running water.

The past few days, when feeding the dogs, I used a bucket of water instead of the usual doggy bowl to fill water for them. The doggy bowl’s kinda broken so I threw it away. Now when Aeris sees me carrying the bucket, she runs after and watches, so the moment I place the bucket down she will be the first to drink from it. The boy does she drink! She’ll beat any alcoholic anyday! Gulp gulp gulp til her tummy bulges a little. She gives that “I damn hate it if you ever drink this clean water while I’m drinking!!!” look to the Bully when he comes close to drink. Imagine, frowning while drinking water? So emo-gothic right? So awesome right my honey-coloured sugar ball??

Oh oh and, I’ve taught her not to eat from another dog’s bowl but her own. So she knows that she has to wait her turn while I feed the other two dogs first. She doesn’t bark at me to “Hurry up, I’m hungry!!”, she knows she has to wait – besides, she can’t eat anyways even if food is placed in front of her nose, since I taught her NOt to eat without my OK-ing her

What other brilliant things she can do?? Well she can count, do algebra, climb trees, box my brother in the eye, and give me lotsa kisses just for the heck of it! Like when I passed her by to collect their empty food bowls – she lives me a lick on the calf (Well she’s too short to reach anywhere else hehehehe). Maybe its a “Thanks for the efficient service Slave, food was delicious” gesture. OK so she doesn’t count, or do algebra. But she does climb trees (at least she tries to, by jumping ??) and box my brother in the eye. “Why is she so gentle to you?? She’s such a monster to me,” my bro has said a few times before. Well well how do you expect anyone to treat a stinky chimpanzee, huh Chimp Tatt??

My mum cautions me to not get carried away and FOCUS on my exams NOW. OKay, OKay, I will…. Come on its LAND LAW for gawdness sake!! KILLER I tell you! KILLER!

New Moon piccy! ^^ (Me gawking:P)

I just saw this poster for the upcoming New Moon movie and just gotta post this up so I can’t preserve it for posterity

OKAY I just wanna share my joy of gawking at delectable guys who can make the most conservative prude growl in……. For want of PG-13 terms – “Hunger” for “unmentionables”. Here’s the poster, found from

http://www.newmoonmovie.org/page/2/

Sorry, somehow WordPress’ “insert hyperlink” button isn’t working.

I tell you Kirsten Stewart is ONE LUCKY GIRL:P I bet she feels like dumping her real-life boyfriend:P OKAY kidding I wouldn’t know too much about that:P

Rant

Argh! I used to think that someone fulfilled everything on my list titled “The Perfect Guy”, BUT something about him appeared that I didn’t know was there!

WHY am I even ranting about this!!!!!
When my mind is occupied I don’t even think about it, but when my mind is at ease – POP! Thoughts of someone floods my head!

Whining!

I’m panicked yet not panicked.
Getting over him yet not quite getting over him.
Argh Trust !!!!!!!! Killer subject T____T